| Two Times I made Stenny laugh today |
[Jul. 3rd, 2009|11:49 pm] |
Today was the rare day where Stenny and I both had the day off, and I didn't end up consumed with large amounts of anxiety about working the following day. It was low key, but the following exchanges are of note:
I. (while lazing in bed, holding hands)
*comfortable silence*
ME, OUT OF BLUE: You know, Vulcans have very sensitive hands.
STENNY: *guffaws*
ME: It's true! They're an important erogenous zone!
STENNY: *laughs harder, maybe because WITH NO OUTSIDE PROMPTING, I STARTED TALKING ABOUT THE SEX LIVES OF FICTIONAL ALIENS!*
II. (at store)
Stenny is watching me dither in the cosmetics section as I debate what to buy for my rampant hangnails (note: Burt Bee's Cuticle Creme). Suddenly, I am hailed by a store employee.
EMPLOYEE: Hey, there, you troublemaker! Hello! Haven't seen you for a long time!
*EMPLOYEE approaches and gives me a one armed hug. His name tag reads "Ray"*
ME: Hey! How's it going? Where have you been?
HIM: On vacation, but it was too short..
ME: (quite warmly) Oh, but that's always the way. Where were you?
HIM: California
ME: oh, nice. Bet you need a vacation to recover now, right?
HIM: yeah. Anyway, see you around! *he leaves*
STENNY: So, who was that?
ME: I have no freaking idea. Come on, let's go checkout.
STENNY: WHAT? You just talked like you know him well!
ME: Look, this happens to me all the time. It happened in law school because I sat toward the front of the classroom and talked a lot. It happens at the detention center every week. Maybe I have face recognition blindness or am just a shitty person.
So, it was convincing? You thought I knew him? You didn't catch on that I was frantically eyeballing his nametag?
STENNY: ...
Yes, I thought you knew him. I wondered why you hadn't introduced me. You mean you just *pretended* you knew him?
ME: Yes, and cool looks like I did a good job. *Proceeds to wreak havoc at the self checkout with voids and bagging errors*
THE END |
|
|
| Attention States of Nevada and Utah |
[Jun. 29th, 2009|09:38 pm] |
You are forever branded as the "Dewey Decimal States" because your legal codes remind me of nothing so much as the library cataloging system.
Really, NRS 202.350? That's not a law, that's a book in the section of the library kids only go to if they are forced to because of crap school assignments.
I just don't like the way they look. Also, your sentencing laws make life hell for my clients so I'm already predisposed to be annoyed. |
|
|
| Crime of the Week! |
[Jun. 23rd, 2009|11:36 am] |
Wow, it's been awhile since I saw a new and interesting conviction. Sadly, this one is a bit gory.
In California (California always has the most wacktastic stuff), you can be convicted of RAPE BY ARTIFICE, PC 261(A)(5):
261. (a) Rape is an act of sexual intercourse accomplished with a
person not the spouse of the perpetrator, under any of the following
circumstances:
(5) Where a person submits under the belief that the person
committing the act is the victim's spouse, and this belief is induced
by any artifice, pretense, or concealment practiced by the accused,
with intent to induce the belief.
A couple of notes:
-nice job, California, still having language that implies spousal rape is ok. I say "implies" because the legislators might have amended the code elsewhere I'm not seeing so that rape of a spouse is a crime. Still, clean this stuff up, man.
-Can you imagine what sort of scenario this is? The person in question was charged with this in conjunction with burglary so I'm picturing someone breaking in, sneaking into the bed and hoping the dark helps.
Oh, and no it doesn't bother me that I work with people convicted of this stuff. It really doesn't even register, since in a case with a serious felony like this, the only arguments I could make would be rather abstract legal ones, and there is no way he could qualify for anything where discretion is an issue. |
|
|
| Warning: Schoomy Entry About My marriage. do not read if bitter or easily nauseated |
[Jun. 17th, 2009|10:43 am] |
I think that a natural fear about marriage is that you will come to know the other person so completely that you will cease to be excited or interested by them. I have only been married to Stenny for two years and been in a relationship with him for 4.5 years, so while I would say I have a pretty good handle on him, there are occasional surprises. Such as:
#1: Stenny is not a true geek.
This is an ongoing discovery. While Stenny has read Lord of the Rings a million times (and is planning a class exercise around it, where they are going to read passages *and* watch parts of the movie) and he just finished Watchmen, and he played Magic: the Gathering (and hated it), he's just not as nerdy as I am.
This was displayed when I made a joke about doing a Vulcan mind meld and went to put my hand in the proper position, but Stenny started hitting my head with his forehead. See, he thinks that the minds should be physically connected (through the mess of skull and hair and flesh) for a mind meld which is SO NOT what Spock told us. I had to lecture him on this.
It's sort of nice though. Stenny is so freakishly smart and keeps learning immigration law simply from hearing me bitch about it so much, but he still couldn't tell you if Spiderman is from DC or Marvel Universe (Yes, I KNOW). Therefore, I am superior in at least one respect.
#2: Stenny does not like things I think he should like.
I would be horribly bored if Stenny and I liked the exact same things, if only because playing "Final Countdown" or Wham! is such a simple yet deeply satisfying way of annoying him. Plus, then I can convince myself I'm a separate person. (Faculty wives are allowed to have outside interests, I think, even outside of banging other faculty- and Stenny would never say 'banging' or be so crude generally). Nonetheless, I think that I have a good grip on what makes 'x' something Stenny would like, so I am surprised to find out Stenny does NOT like Elvis Costello.I find this out when I'm playing a 'Best Of' CD and attempting to sing along to "Everyday I Write the Book"
"WHAT? It's Elvis Costello! Nerdy white guy with instrument! He's Stuart Davis! He's one half of TMBG! He's John Mars with way better lyrics! This is your genre!"
Stenny does not bother to challenge my taxonmy (thankfully, since I know it is suspect) just says "I just don't like him."
Which means I can add another reason to "The Why I Will Divorce You List" The "Why I Will Divorce You" list is my peverse way of showing affection by discussing the dissolution of our union and all the stupid reasons it will be for. The nice thing about fantasy lists is you can skip the truly heartwrenching stuff like betrayal or abuse, and instead use the items to make fun of your partner (which in my case involves no wit beyond "You don't like X? You're some sort of freak!" repeat 1,000 times, cackling)
As always, I'm sure the reader has concluded Stenny is a saint, since that's what everyone concludes when I explain my torments. I'm cool with that. |
|
|
| Reporters |
[Jun. 15th, 2009|04:39 pm] |
I just got asked if there is barbed wire in a very particular part of one of the yards of one of the five jails I go to.
The reporter needs to fact check their article before it can go to print.
I am amused. I'll be sure to look out tomorrow for the wire.
To me, all the jails start to look similar after awhile, and I don't appreciate these fine distinctions, just as I was confused when asked "are the cell walls egg white or chalk white?"
Just something to remember as I fantasize about working for NPR. |
|
|
| MY CLIENT GOT HER U VISA |
[Jun. 15th, 2009|03:20 pm] |
The U visa is a visa for victims of crimes who cooperate with law enforcement authorities. When I first got this case in late 2007 the actual visa didn't even exist only the dream of the visa, but then they got new regs and NOW I HAVE ONE.
Well, not me personally. Well except me personally because it was mailed to me for some reason. BUT WOO |
|
|
| In which I go to a "conference" and "learn some things" |
[Jun. 8th, 2009|04:15 pm] |
Because I know you are so interested in where I've been this week.
Here is a partial list of what I did:
1) Consumed a lot of free alcohol, my favorite type. Receptions, people buying me drinks because I work for a nonprofit, drink tickets, getting a drink for playing the penny slots (total amount gambled $3.00).
2) Stayed out until 5 am one night, after wandering the strip and attempting to commune with nature by sitting on an astroturf lawn while painting the sidewalk with lipstick. Then got to conference by 8:30 to be a "day coordinator" which involves saying "turn off your cell phones".
3) Ate free food, my favorite type of food. Although while I appreciate free crab's legs, I wish the conference organizers would skip that part and just cut the fees. This year I got a scholarship for being at a nonprofit, but next year that may be impossible.
4) Met Very Important People. I got hugged by one, which was awesome. I looked like a moron in front of another, which is less awesome.
5) Went to the Vegas version of Price is Right.
6) Brutally mocked some stupid panelists while gazing at awe in others.
7) Bawled like a baby when they gave out some awards, especially to the intrepeter who wrote the essay about the Postville raids, and the guy who put my organization on the map. Then I had to blow my nose at a key beautiful moment, which was embarrassing.
8) "Danced"
9) Drank shots that came in test tubes, which I think are very cool.
10) Discovered that according to the mandatory substance abuse education required for all people barred in California (a category I am not in), I am an alcoholic.
11) Failed horribly at flirting
12) Schoomzed
13) Listened to someone introduce me as "the volunteer who bravely went on a visit to a detention center in North Virginia on September 12, 2001, when no one else would because of 9/11" In fact, the first time I visited Virginia was May 2002, and I didn't go to detention center until that fall.
14) Learned stuff |
|
|
| Work stuff for today Monday June 1, 2009 |
[Jun. 1st, 2009|12:41 pm] |
It's one of those days where I know I have 8,000 things to do but can't remember or focus on any of them. Let's try some categories.
Admin Tasks/Personal
-Call for extra night on hotel reservation
-Call doctor (gen)
-If Stenny finds card call doctor (cardio)
-PHONE MESSAGES****
Visit Scheduling
-Schedule two visits tomorrow evening PCJ
-Schedule one visit tomorrow morning mentally ill guy
-Schedule visits for:
-Guy with motion and court
-Guy who is doomed
-Figure out who else needs visit and schedule
-Talk to coworker re presentation
-make list |
|
|
| This entry contains minimal angst and immigration references! |
[Jun. 1st, 2009|12:28 pm] |
Things I Did On My Weekend:
1) stood outside a hospital in a light sprinkle, clutching a tuba, while waiting for admission through the staff entrance. This is because I have a featured role in a video project one of my fellow improvers must do for her masters in music. I also wielded an oboe like a club and made a fool of myself by getting chocolate and marshmellow on me from hairline to neck.
I also discovered we have a park full of trails relatively close to my house, because it was another filming location. Only took me three years.
2) went out with Former Intern, who is now Successful Advanced Student with Fancy Court Internship. Mocked him because he admitted to having a little crush on my ex boss but he never could do much with it. Marveled how I managed to get married given that the fact I find a person attractive means that eventually I will hear about their long buried desires for Someone Who Is Not Me. Also, any attempt to look presentable ruined by excessive sweating and inability to consume food or beverage without getting it all over myself. Luckily I no longer angst about this for days on end.
3) had dinner with Stentor and Old Coworker now Friend. Spilled food on myself. Had fun.
Things I Did Not Do:
1) Cleaning
2) Work
Oh well. |
|
|
| Lawyers= technological challenged |
[May. 29th, 2009|08:23 am] |
Next week I am going to the giant immigration lawyer conference. Here is a session I'm skipping:
"Geared toward baby boomers, we’ll discuss the how and why of on-line social networks such as LinkedIn and FaceBook, as well as the latest rage--Twitter. Bring your questions and everyone will learn!"
The organizers also have a conference Twitter feed in which they describe Twitter as "the virtual equivalent of a string on your finger" which is news to me. |
|
|
| Are you bored tonight? |
[May. 28th, 2009|07:48 pm] |
Among the 4,587 things I am working on I am drafting two very important cover letters.
How important? Well, imagine me with a fulfilling, big awesome funtime job, in a reasonably sized city (Pittsburgh). I could be career fulfilled, AND get to live with Stenny. Awesome!
But the jobs are for the federal public defender, which requires some fancy footwork since I have to explain that while I've done something quite different, I'm prepared to be the bestest federal public defender ever.
I need to send these out ASAP, maybe tomorrow. So that gives me tonight. Who is really bored and wants to read my yammering?
Bonus fun not related to career fact: Tomorrow I am going to star in an instructional movie about the Tuba. Hollywood is within reach!
Fun Fact #2: I AM GOING TO GO TO DISCWORLD 2009 NORTH AMERICA |
|
|
| Bits and Pieces |
[May. 27th, 2009|09:03 am] |
1) You may already know this if you religiously follow my Facebook status, but I went to the ER yesterday with chest pains and shortness of breath, fearing a repeat of Giant Blot Clots in the Lungs 2007. Luckily, no repeat, just a case of pericarditis (inflammation of the sac surrounding the heart). So now I have drugs and follow up appointments. This plus the workplace drama fest plus my ongoing fatigue is prompting me to have a Big Think about my health, but I'll bore you with that another time.
2) Query: Why do people when calling you about jobs, do not just leave the status of your application in the freaking message? I just missed a call from someone who I'm pretty sure is calling to tell me I didn't get a job (inside sources, timeline, etc.) But instead of saying so, I have to call him back to check on the status of the application. This happened to me last year too, where it took four or five rounds of phone tag to tell me "Sorry". Bless the people who send emails that lay it all out. Perhaps it's more "personable" but I would rather know and move on than have awkward conversations. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 23rd, 2009|09:30 pm] |
Hooray there is improv in Pittsburgh, PA
This calls for a toast with an Arizona based beverage- Prickly Pear Vodka. I actually think the stuff tastes vile but I have most of a bottle I need to drink before we move. All the drinks on the website for the company that makes it require buying more alcohol mixers which defeats the purpose. |
|
|
| Two Things |
[May. 7th, 2009|06:22 pm] |
I. HOW HOT IS IT IN ARIZONA?
So hot that if you leave a full can of diet coke in your car at 9am, and come back at 4pm-
a) the can of dietcoke has exploded
b) but there is no diet coke residue anywhere to be felt because it evaporated in the heat.
Figuring out why there was a distended, completely empty can in my seat when I had not drunk a coke this morning was a bit of a challenge.
II. QUANTITY OR QUALITY?
So yesterday I was very upset because a blog entry appeared which juxtaposed one of my big losses against a similar case where a law school class mate of mine had won and appeared in newspapers talking about injustice. Then I felt shitty because I don't have a fancy job where I appear on NPR (like some of my classmates) or work in an exotic country (other classmates) or work on cases that are litigated at the Supreme Court (more classmates). My job is such a slog in comparison.
But today the legal assistant pointed out that at least six people I helped got released from detention this month. None of them had very complicated cases- it was more a case of pointing out, "hey immigration, read your own damn law". I'm pretty sure in some of the cases the judge was smart enough to figure it out themselves even if I had done nothing, but one never knows. And no way I could work with so many people if I had to write big fancy briefs for all of them, or fly to Gitmo. I still feel kind of lame I'm not some magma cum laude superstar with a fancy job, but I should just get over it. |
|
|
| Some updates, In lieu of content, a meme |
[May. 6th, 2009|03:48 pm] |
Random things I've done since writing in LJ:
-Rowed a boat in Central Park with the former love of my life, to the terror of turtles and French people everywhere.
-Chased good tequila with better Guinness
-Got all ready to hit on a hot Irishman, to the point of removing my wedding ring and rubbing the indentation, only to chicken out because I had no good line. (No I wasn't trying to commit adultery, I was doing it for the honor and amusement of the table I was at. Stenny was amused, not upset, so there.)
-Tried to explain D&D and Killer Bunnies to lawyers. Failed.
-WON Killer Bunnies!
-Rode a train from NYC to Baltimore, longest train ride for me ever.
-I WAS IN THE PHOENIX IMPROV FESTIVAL, BITCHES! ON TV AND EVERYTHING
-Lost my medication in another state. Agh.
-Screamed "DIE YOU CUNTFACES DIE" while in the kitchen while chasing roaches. Realized that: a) something might be amiss in the domestic sphere since the husband said "Wow, you seem so much more passionate than usual when you're screaming about the bugs" and b) my life can actually be measured quite well through my continuing reactions to roaches.
And now:
( Because I have to provide some content before I use the powers of LJ polling to make major life decisions. ) |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Apr. 21st, 2009|03:07 pm] |
I called.
They offered it to another candidate.
I am sad and angsty. |
|
|
| Entropy slowly expands the universe |
[Apr. 18th, 2009|06:35 pm] |
Not Quite a List, not quite Coherent- an LJ Post of FRAGMENTS
-Improv continues to get better and better. We played the Phoenix Improv festival, which is a pretty big deal- good thing I didn't understand that it was a big deal until AFTER we were on and I watched everyone else. Then I went back for a night of watching with some troupe members and we went out to IHOP and it was like we were friends or something. Crazy.
-And when the AZ natives talked about how the desert is so gorgeous at sunset, and they turned to me, and I said, "Well I'm getting used to it." On one hand, I no longer constantly fight the feeling that I've crashlanded my spaceship on some distant planet. Sometimes I see the beauty. But it still is a weird thing, an Other, not a home I would take for granted. I wonder if that would ever change. Part of me, the bizarre change hating part, wishes I could find out. I did feel a bit of pre-nostalgia as I drove this afternoon. And while I may compare always compare the landscape to the Midwest or East, I'm always going to compare driving in the Midwest or East to Arizona since this is where I learned to drive. I know I'll miss straight freeways, empty roads, and the ability to go 75 legally.
-I have no idea what I'm doing with my life in four months since I didn't hear from my potential new employer on Friday. That was disappointing, and while I suppose I should not rule out getting it, I'm trying to steel myself for that reality since not getting the call Friday made me realize how much I had been counting on that job to "fix" everything, even though it would mean living apart from El Stentor.
-I go to New York next week, and feel utterly unprepared work and brain wise. I'm excited because I'll see people, but ack! I'll be out of the office from Wed 4/22 until 4/30. The 27th-29th is a conference so I'm not on vacation the whole time, but conferences != real work. |
|
|
| Hotel features |
[Apr. 12th, 2009|09:34 pm] |
1) heated towel rack. HEATED TOWEL RACK. What? Why?
2) Instead of "do not disturb" placard to hang over door, there is a little light built into the wall that you touch with a button. Classy.
3) ginormous bathroom.
4) a "vanity kit" with one cotton ball, 2 Qtips and the world's smallest nail file.
5) the option for "turndown service" which freaks me out. Unless the maid would do my ironing for me.
6) location, location, location
Note: Initially I thought this hotel room cost $300 since that is what the sign on the door says, but the Internet told me this is a LIE, which is probably for the best. |
|
|
| Amusing and Annoying (purposely not filtered) |
[Apr. 9th, 2009|06:31 pm] |
AMUSING:
I just spent 20 minutes talking to a friend of a detainee, advising them about how to post bond. Turns out Friend of Detainee lives one town over from my mother in Iowa. I recognized the area code right away and we had a little Iowa chat. Heh.
I haven't talked to anyone in Alaska or Hawaii (well I emailed with a lawyer from HI about some legal issues) but I have most of the rest of the US covered.
ANNOYING:
Here is something that happens to me all the time, and I apologize if I've complained before but I've got a bad case of it:
I meet client #1 and do an intake. Client #1 has a strong legal case, so it's worth my time to put in some work to help them out. Often client's case is also interesting legally so I'm especially excited. Client #1 is impressed and happy, and thinks I can work magic, so he tells his friend, Client #2, "Cranky will bust you out of here" (even thought Client #1 hasn't won yet).
But Client #2 is a different person, with different legal issues, and I can't do squat for them. I tell them I can't do squat, and they get pissed because "How come you like #1 better?". Because immigration law is irrational, my attempts to explain why/how things are different (without violating Client #1's confidentiality which is fun) are met with frustration and disbelief.
The current Client #2 has taken to mailing me and calling me every single day, even though I told him I did him a favor by seeing him early, and he's sort of low priority for various reasons. Also, I'm pretty sure he's screwed, so I'm not motivated. AND he has a BAD CASE of the "I WAS FRAMED", which is TOTALLY IRRELEVANT in immigration court, so I don't want to hear about it AGAIN.
But I had some good client interactions today with people who are not #2 so on balance my attitude towards detainees is positive. I do love the aspect of my job where I get to talk to all sorts of people. One of my coworkers said that every rights presentation is box of crackerjacks, and you never know what the prizes will be. Sometimes they are stinkbombs, but today was good. |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
crankyliberal's journal